Mrs. Hutch’s Home Economics: Using IUDs as Birth Control For Fun and Profit

A few years ago, for personal reasons, I decided to switch up my method of birth control. I had been on the same pill since I was sixteen years old and needed a change. Mr. Hutch and I were in a committed, monogamous relationship and we didn’t intend on starting our family for a few more years. After weighing my options I decided to take an IUD out for a spin.

Now, an IUD is a pretty big commitment. Saying I took one “out for a spin” is pretty flippant. It’s not something that you can easily get rid of if you decide that it isn’t for you. Ideally, you want to keep that sucker in there for at least 5 years, maybe even 7. So I talked to my doctor and did a fair bit of reading before deciding to go ahead. My doctor didn’t “do” IUD insertions, so I had to have that bit done at my local sexual health clinic (for all you old-timers, we used to call it Planned Parenthood). Being the sexual-health police that they are, the clinic imposed a mandatory “counselling” session. It was kind of annoying but I just told them my deal and really, it was fine.

There are two kinds of IUDs: ones made of copper that release no hormones and ones made of plastic that release the same hormone(s) as in birth control pills, but at a much smaller dose. I chose the hormone-releasing type and that, my friends, is where the “for fun and profit” part began. I don’t remember my reasons for choosing the hormone-releasing IUD. I’d imagine it may have seemed more bullet-proof as the hormones inhibit ovulation while the copper IUDs do not. I admit this is an entirely invalid point on which to base one’s decision because both types are equally effective at preventing pregnancy. Whatever the reasons, my decision to go with the hormone-releasing IUD was about to unleash a whole lot of unintended awesome on my life.

The happiest side effect of the hormonal IUD (aside from not getting pregnant) is that I have NEVER had a period while using it. Granted, I had the thing removed after about two years when Mr. Hutch and I decided to start trying for Hutchlings - a bit sooner than we originally planned - so I had a couple of periods before getting pregnant. But as soon as I got the all-clear from my doctor following their birth I had a new one rigged up. Again, I haven’t had a period since. Two periods in the last four years. Life changing.

Ladies, consider for a moment how different life would be if you never got your period. No mood swings, no bloat, no cramps, no headaches, no blood leaking out of your vagina for the better part of a week that needs to be continually mopped up! I’m telling you: AWESOME. Every day is just as carefree as the last, and I’m as emotionally balanced as one could expect a mother of 18 month-old twins to be. This must be what being a man feels like (in a good way). I’m not kidding, this is what I call fun. I’m guessing Mr. Hutch would agree.

Now for the profit:  IUDs run around $300 but like I said, they are intended to last for a minimum of 5 years. My extended health plan covers all forms of birth control so the upfront cost, while significant, doesn’t factor for me. $300 over five years works out to only five bucks a month, less than any birth control pills I know of. Stretch your IUD for 7 years, which my doctor says is perfectly fine to do, and you’ve saved even more. Now add in the fact that you are no longer buying tampons, pads, diva cups or any other method of clean-up. No more Advil or Tylenol for cramps. Your drugstore budget just went through the floor!

Disclaimer: Obviously, I’m a fan but I’m no doctor. Don’t take my advice when choosing your method of birth control. Explore your options with a qualified medical professional.